A typical Saturday evening

Portland was quite lovely yesterday... Sunny for most of the day, then a random hail moment, and back to sunny but gray. I experienced an iced black sassafras tea and quite frankly I would have rather had Starbucks. I drank it... Don't worry.

I spent my evening away from my typical Saturday night raver scene of house music, excessive drug use, meaningless sex with strangers, and wearing neon (one of these is actually true). I attended the Scappoose Senior Center (pop. just under 5000- located off Hwy 30 in BFE Oregon) Mayor's Ball. In a nut shell my evening went as follows:
Arrival- During the silent auction I bid on a deer painting, a hand-painted miniature boot, and almost straight walked out with an electric gravy boat. Sadly I only won the boot, but it is a treasure none the less.
I was asked in a round about of ways why I was there by the elders and then it was suggested that this must not have been my idea... I informed them that I actually chose to come and that I was actually having a splendid time. Rude
Dinner: mini-burgers, battered fries, tiny banana splits, and iceberg salads. You had to pay for soda though- that wasn't free... The drinks were weak and you weren't allowed to buy just shots. Fail.
The theme was 50's sock-hop... There were exactly four people dressed the part.
The DJ played Britney Spears, Nickelbak, and Mambo #5 for a few hours to get warmed up then switched to 50's music. Later I noticed that said DJ was auctioning off his services in the "oral" auction (their words)- get it while its hot folks. Geriatrics love Brit...
The top items to bid on during the oral was a 75' section of stain-resistant carpet, $50.00 gift card for gravel, a ceramic giraffe (of course I threw some bids on that), but the only item that riled up the crowd was a $100 gift certificate for garbage removal or a porta potty. After a bidding war it sold... For $100.
As per usual I was more interested in wall decorations that I could steal for my very own... The best thing was that they had handmade glittery signs with phrases from the 50's (i.e. Kookie, Big Daddy, Daddy O, beatniks, I "dig" you, etc.) Naturally, I only had interest in the sign that read "Hand Jive." After commandeering that I saw a picture of saddle oxfords outlined in glitter and took that too for good measure.
I solidified my existence by uttering hoots and hollers at various big ticket auction items and calling some abstract crayon art offensive as they tried to auction it off..
We left by 9:30. I was beat.
The night was finished with a VHS viewing of My Girl and coloring/stenciling. Unfortunately, that was accompanied with getting snotted on by a dog and gassed on by a Corgy.
My precious day off will be spent bike riding and possibly making an attempt to go read somewhere (only if I remove all electronic communication devices within a 1 mile radius will this work). For the rest of you, I recommend busting out that old CD of Lauren Hill's Miseducation of... album and giving it a good listen. She isn't racist anymore... It's fine.