Long Time Gone

This is what happens when you stop blogging. You move. Break things. End chapters. Write new ones. Neat.

I think I am going to recreate this blog as my new pastime. Grumbles. I read too much and care more than that, so I get to be upset about a lot of big things and even more about little things. Slightly more public than my journal, but still under the radar as I have a whopping 5 readers. This will be the last blog dedicated solely to feelings about my own feelings. Sorry to disappoint. If you are still interested, Dashboard Confessional has some great albums for purchase on iTunes.

I am currently back in NWA, but while "back" is the appropriate word it doesn't quite fit what is going on. Luckily, thanks to maturation, I am in a totally different space here now and it's been a great learning experience. I will most likely not run for office here, but I am going to stick around for a bit to continue my Pinky and the Brain endeavors.

Work: At Pack Rat - new title - new opportunities - feeding my gear purchasing issues - 2013 is going to be badass
Consulting - from art to conservation, it's a good thing
There will be grumbles, but names and places may be changed to protect no one because this town is small.

Personal: Every day is getting better and everything that happens is from now. Challenging myself and playing hard.

General cool things:
Bedtimes have been moved to 8:30pm
I am obsessed Amino Acids... Check it.
I bought a french press coffee maker... My coffee addiction is at an all time high and I am loving every moment of it.
My 8tracks is cool... http://8tracks.com/aliwilliams711
Patagonia stopped selling my Saturday pants. RIP I am still looking for a replacement.

Stay tuned.

Year to Date

While reading the latest headlines on the Brookings Institute site I realized that it is International Women's Day. This day, one year ago, I was rushing around like a crazy person meeting vendors, city partners, planning my business plan for the Q Center Farmer's Market, and prepping for an evening of IWD events that we were hosting at the center. I met someone for lunch at a thai place downtown to compare market notes and decided that I would get a run in before heading back up the hill to shower... On my run I began to suffer from what I later realized was a severe allergic reaction to something in my Pad Thai. My face was swollen and I was pounding Benadryl like it was my job. I never once feared for my safety, but instead was stressing beyond belief that I would be unable to help that evening at the event, now only hours away. As soon as my face began to look slightly less like a puffer fish I got my tranquilized ass to North Mississippi Avenue for an under attended and over staffed celebration of women. The speakers were inspiring and moving and the audience was entertaining.

That night I also met one of my first real "friends" in Portland and was introduced to the idea of a queer dance party (see earlier posts).

What a bizarre year. I went from being one of what seemed like a million gays in my sector to being one of three. The funny thing is that I feel like I spent my whole first year scrambling. I had 3 jobs before March. I was running around like mad soaking up all that was Portland from event planning and working to learning zoning codes involved with farmer's markets, to training for a marathon. I was even told to slow down by many. I didn't run myself ragged, in fact in many ways I improved as a person, however now I am in a down to the minute routine and I am unraveling for the first time.

I feel like Chris in Northern Exposure. I am not so much suffering from too many feelings per se or even deeply longing for anything in particular, I am just in a perpetual state of ridiculous reflection over where I am, have been, and where I want to go. It will be interesting to see how this year pans out.

Please note that access to sun is something I will never take for granted again. Ever. Florida with it's terrible politics and failing educational system could lure me with its sandy beaches. I love Jimmy Buffet and floral printed shirts.

Oh, what a circus

Yes, for those of you wondering... That is an Evita reference. I may or may have not spent a significant portion of Saturday night watching clips from one of my favorite films of all time. At the ripe age of 25, I am finding myself being pulled more and more to my roots. I don't mean that in the HBO series type of way, but more so that I want to go to Argentina and see the places that my grandmother had tea, visit the Casa Rosada where my grandfather worked, and see the BA that is so deeply ingrained in my family’s culture. Naturally, as gas prices soar with the world and more importantly our nation realizing that we are not living a sustainable lifestyle I am frightened to think that I may not be able to fly home soon... Let alone fly to Argentina. Furthermore, I struggle to think that once I go I will not want to return to this life.

As I explore my life goals and attempt to walk down a few different career paths, I am really trying to see what it is that I am passionate about at the end of each road. That is hard when your life work involves being constantly reminded that things are getting worse, people know so little, and one problem has no simple solution. Instead, as I bury myself deeper in current events and understand more and more about the issues at hand I realize how impossible resolution is. Changing the world has such a nice ring to it, but it takes a patient, strong, and persevering soul to stand the day-to-day. While patience has never been a strong point, I would like to think I have those qualities. At the end of the day, those who know me the most that in reality I am motivated by the sheer delight that pantsuits bring to my life. Oddly enough, now that I wear them everyday I find myself resorting to what I like to call “my Saturday outfit” pretty much every time that I do not have to be seen. Patagonia running tights, Capilene, Pack Rat Power Stretch, beanie, and running shoes. I know this seems college student esque, but I live in Portland. I am practically the coolest thing since Portlandia in that get up. It also seriously cuts back on changing time. Efficiency is key when you are on the verge of extinction.

Turns out this year we will have a spring in the great Northwest. I am skeptical. Meanwhile, back at the ranch, Arkansas is living it up in the lap of luxury with its beautiful weather. I hope you all get the plague.

I figured after starting this with every intention of keeping my 5 followers up to date on Ali events a good 8 months was probably enough time to keep you on the edge of your seats. I am still a card carrying member of the LGBTQLMNOP community, I am not president, but I do work for probably the coolest Governor in the US. I am still running a lot (both in the physical and emotional sense), I still miss my crew back home deeply, yet I feel like for many reasons I will not be going home for quite some time (unless partaking in secret underground railroad trips). I still want a puppy, but I have taken a new appreciation for population control and no longer enjoy babies. I think that is it for now.

Quarter-Life Crisis and Feelings About Feelings

Things would have been so much easier had I decided to maybe be an accountant, a Wal-Mart exec, or better yet a housewife. Lucky for me life makes no sense unless I am going making moves like Olivia Newton-John. Since I decided that my original 3 jobs weren't enough I got another one to fill the rest of the time I am not sleeping. It's going really well. I am on a solid diet of iced coffee/tea, carbs, and things labeled first with "On the go." Ahhh, adulthood feels so good sometimes.

New developments:
Summer in Portland apparently still means rain and has left everyone in an odd depressed mood or worse on sunny days a frantic loonbag for sunshine. I fall in the latter category. I am the one that does not wear sunscreen on the off chance that maybe a burn will make the Vitamin D last longer. Who knows... Speaking of Vitamins, I am currently hooked on Vitamin C chewables, and by hooked I mean I am almost done with the bottle I bought last week. Only later posts will tell how that turns out.

I now am the happy owner of a position at a wonderful (unmentioned to protect everyone involved) nonprofit as their event coordinator for a big event this fall. With that position I also received my first cubicle. New hobby: decorator. You better believe that mama's space will be the most legit part of that bitch. AND the event will be smashing.

Geriatric walks are best when done before sunset... I just found out there is a new gang in NE Portland (my neighborhood) called "Money Over Bitches." So, the last thing I would like is to get kidnapped for gingie hooking unless I am getting a significant cut and new clothes.

I have also discovered that one finds the best free boxes on Sunday nights and Monday mornings. This is due to the many garage sales that take place on weekends where the leftover treasures get left on the curb for me to find. So far, I have a new fanny pack (that is 4), a home hair-cutting DVD, give or take 200 postcards (new and used), a bonnet, and some suspenders. At this rate I will be fully clothed in awesome by September when rainy season ends and rainy season begins again.

My robotic tendencies have subsided and now I can be found at any given moment crying over everything from a smell to an N'Sync song. It's real. Bittersweet, but hey I will take all the emo I can get as. I am giving it until the second weekend of August, so if you want in on the ice cream and tissue fest get it while it's hot.

The new Bon Iver album is about as essential as diapers for a newborn. I would recommend that you stop reading this now (all 6 of you) and go get it now... Have a few moments then finish the last few paragraphs.

On top of the stress of daily 12 hour work-shifts I have started feeling internally anxious for our nation as we flounder to get our shit together. From Weiner to "pray the gay away" presidential candidate I am pretty sure we would be better in space... Oh wait, the space shuttle program is over too. Or maybe we could just spend more money we don't have... Or die of heat waves and drought or record breaking rain fall.... Really, take your pick.

Vegetables are growing-ish, so that means good things for the market for August... Good thing it ends in September, but all is well. Market Q has become a lovely community of friends and crude jokes amongst new friends. Many of us went out for the ole 25th birthday party and I so professionally showed everyone my ability to acquire accessories from drag queens and eat flowers. All the grown-up you can handle.

Feeling better and more optimistic about moving forward on the west coast, but Arkansas felt so good... Emotionally and mentally that is, physically it was sticky and too hot to enjoy outdoor things. I have good people in Fayetteville and a pretty great family too. It just isn't the same making a flag (boobie cake) out here, but I will eat the whole thing just the same. No shame.

It's probably time for a rain, hail, snow, and a run. :}

White jorts and Ali is not a farmer

First time for everything... With the knowledge that many of my vendors were without greens for this, that, or the other reasoning (aka fucking rain) I decided that I would put out a call for greens for this past weekend's market. I went $50 deep on some goods from some local growers to assure that we did actually have produce while most farms are struggling just to get things to grow in our extra raining Spring... andddddd became a vendor at my own market. Not to mention I had to trek into the deep and dirty Gresham to get said veggies... This is the part of town you do not want to be in... Not so much for the violence, but because meth is real and trashy people come in packs. (Goog it. Dirtyville) As entrepreneurial as that may have been, one slow day at the market and Ali had enough spinach, cilantro, and potatoes to feed a few day cares (not that I recommend you giving your toddler a baking potato to chew on- unless of course they are teething) and was out $40 doll hairs. Lesson learned. While I may be the only market manager that will go to those lengths to push for a successful day, I will not however be doing that again. One thing I really need to learn is to not take things so personally... Slow days happen... I cannot control the rain, nor can I control that NE Portland does not wake up before 12pm because they hit the PBR tall boys too hard at their neighborhood dive bar the night before. Regardless, I have already obsessed about other avenues I can explore enough to take up my whole Sunday. Try, try again.

I then spent the next few hours decompressing (Ipad times, Melba toast, vodka), and then dressed up in a terrifying outfit of pin stripe sear sucker shoes, white jorts, white button up, red suspenders, and a red bow tie. Why would gingie wear such a thing that could be so stained so quickly with one spilled drink or slip into the mud?! To be cupid for a single's mixer of course! I went intoxicated to a sexy singles social put on at Q Center... The theme was ridic, but I did manage to introduce a lot of people to each other and they left with new friends and possibly a complimentary reach around. All in all the weekend was not a total bust. It is 9:40 pm and I am in bed in OU basketball shorts and an Arkansas Razorback t-shirt drinking Diet Coke. There is something so satisfying about being in bed before 10pm... It also signifies that gingie may have hit the communal wine a bit too hard last evening.

This week will be busy with PRIDE meetings, Team Bingo Dreams, pantsuit times, drink times, Sleigh Bells concert, and the possibility of going to Redding, CA after the market next weekend... Stay tuned.

A Long Time Gone

It has come to my attention that this is the longest I have gone away from home ever... I have never really felt a strong connection with "home," but I also have never left, so this is an interesting feeling. I feel as though this is what makes me a big kid... Not the multiple yobs, the financial independence that I have had for years, or even the most recent token of big kidness, the purchace of my very own IPad, but the physical distance between me and the town I grew up in with grass stained jeans and first generation windbreakers... While everyone in Arkansas knew bits and pieces of my cliche teen drama childhood, no one here does. It is bittersweet, yet for years I always wished I could escape it. Anyway... moving on from feelings time....

This mornings special time brought to you in part by a woman I passed at an intersection this morning that had the same permed hair and big rimmed glasses that my mom enjoyed in the late 80's... For a split second I wanted to follow her and then quickly realized that was illegal.

In other news, Market Q is on the way... I am two weeks in and getting more interest, more publicity, and finally some fucking credit (some- not much). For once in 24 years I can finally say that I am proud of something I have created. This market is proving to be not just a community service, but a community builder and connector as well. Not only that, but mama gets to work on her epic farmer's tan for the next 15 Saturday's. Jealz much?

For those of you that know that I am married to work even though I am unallowed to marry my many girlfriends, you will be happy to know that I have cut back to 4 yobs, instead of 5... Salem is treating my pantsuits and I well, and there is a chance I will be making the trip more often if my position as a staffer is approved. Market Q is ongoing, running smoothly but growing by the week. Nelson aka HJ's business is improving and he has asked me to manage his life more often, and the event positions are starting to pick up as well. All of these things severly cut into my partying time and crafting projects, but I am willing to make sacrifices.

Other than that I don't know if I have any really witty stories that I can pull out right at the moment... I still run and obsess over cute families I pass by in my neighborhood. The lesbians in NE Portland are still the biggest freak shows on Earth. I still get homicidal when people pull their passive aggressive antics on me. I still frequently see older women's naked vagines at the gym I go to. I finally cleaned my car since moving here and a bird had IBS on the entire passenger side. I finally got to go hiking in the Gorge and I will now be going every weekend. Biking is back in my life and I am getting used to the Beef Gravy brown color. People here still don't know how to cut gingie hair without making me look like a dude for a few days until it grows out. Sunshine is here!

That is all for now. I would advise everyone going to buy the Fleet Foxes album and stay tuned for an ellaborate review of Bon Iver's new ditty as soon as it drops.

Patriotic Sex Acts.

I don't enjoy bugs. Spring, yes. Bugs, find another season to be present.

Let's just end the weekend with this thought. I woke up Sunday morning in someone else's bed. Leopard sheets engulfed me in once again someone else's pajamas as well. Don't worry, the pepper shaker I stole was a mere 5 feet away, and the stamp on my hand read "OK." Clearly they were mistaken. Sunday was a day of chatting with the moms and recovering. I don't have a solid recollection of anything else noteworthy. I finished the evening with decisions to start a Bingo league with a friend. (Team Bingo Dreams) and going to dinner with a friend who was just one of many friends and mentors that are suggesting that I looking into law school and/or Ivy league master's programs... Please connect how I woke up Sunday morning with this last comment. Of course I am president material... Eat your heart out Bill.

Market Q is raging. New farms and vendors are getting locked in everyday. I still haven't purchased Carharts.

During a coffee'd up conversation, a friend and I came to the majorly scientific conclusion that women came before men. Largely based on the evidence provided in Fantasia and simple anatomy we decided that since we all formed from sludge that women are typically smaller in size, therefore we were finished solidifying long before men. This is empowering and depressing all at once considering the gender wage gap is still very real when we could have essentially started working first and/or set the pay scale.. Whatever, hindsight is 20 20.

Portland is nicknamed "Rip City" - this has a direct connection with The Blazers. Let's break that down. Rip city = muscle reference = Portland nickname = Portland is The Blazer's muscles. Epic.

Queer dance parties are still not my scene, however I do enjoy acting a fool letting mean muggers judge me accordingly. Portrait walls are also provided at said events, which basically means I get to pose inappropriately and use other people's purses as props and improperly call them "Trapper Keepers"

Tonight is Ellie Goulding evening at the Doug Fir.

Monday is the first practice round of Team Bingo Dreams... Walter (Amelia) and Barnaby (Ali) will head out in garb with rich life stories to The Liberty Glass for an early evening of dobbing and owning fools at Bingo. Stay tuned. There will be merch for sale soon...

Rage on.